Internal Dialogue

Coming to terms with something that you can’t understand is difficult.

I’ve often thought about writings things like “What is life trying to tell us?” or “Why do these things keep happening?”, but as soon as I type them I realize how ridiculous those kind of questions actually sound. I’m not like that, I don’t believe there is an entity overlooking our live, and I don’t believe there is some higher spiritual meaning to life. I don’t think that everything happens for a reason. But still, these questions have been popping up in my head during the last eighteen months. What is the purpose of all these bad things that keep happening?

Although we don’t know yet know why he died – he could have been sick – does it really matter? The truth remains that he is gone, and it just feels so wrong. How can you accept something that you never expected? When you’re aware something like this is a possibility, it’s obviously still very sad when it actually does happen, but at least you knew it might happen. When our cat Litzi was put to sleep in May of 2007, we all knew it was coming. It was still very difficult, but it was her time.

But he, he was still so young. This was the last thing any of us expected to happen. And yet it did. It happened so sudden that every time I think about him or look at the picture of him and his sister on my desk, I still have to remind myself that he won’t be there anymore when I visit. I will never be able to hold him in my arms again. He was only with us for fifteen months, but that was more than enough for him to become part of my life – of all of our lives. He was so unbelievably cute.

And even though it was so unfairly short, he had the best life a cat could have wished for. He probably enjoyed every moment he had on this Earth, as evident by the way he seemed to smile whenever one of us would hold or cudle him. Below is a photo of him when he was still a kitten. Although he looks a little sad, it is most beautiful photo I ever took of him.